2Pat with the dunk in the Raptors’ 94-87 Game 1 loss to the Brooklyn Nets. (04/19/14)
Here’s a cover up I made from the other day. Thanks for looking,
thanks for making good tattoos.
i have a gym playlist on my ipod called PANTERA JOCK JAMZ. now you might be thinking, “wait a second, everything pantera ever wrote is a great jock jam.” and you’d be right. but the problem is that a good focused workout takes about an hour, so we have to narrow down the pantera discography. it’s hard, but i’ve thought a lot about this.
cowboys from hell? good album. unfortunately, this was right when pantera was still kinda figuring out their sound. its guitar tone is super weak compared to the rest of their albums, reducing the anger-level and downgrading its jock potential so it’s disqualified.
vulgar display of power: easily the most classic pantera album, but still suffers from a weaker guitar tone than the post far beyond driven output that slightly brings down its jock-level. however, it’s got some heavy as shit mid paced grooves which are the bread and butter of lifting music. mouth for war, a new level and walk are the 1-2-3 combo that kicks this album off and are pretty much mandatory on a gym playlist.
FAR BEYOND DRIVEN; this is it. though ultimately inconsistent as an album, far beyond driven has a handful of songs that together MAY BE THE BEST JOCK METAL EVER WRITTEN. the guitar tone has finally been kicked up a notch into extremity that makes your speakers sound like they’re exploding. every shitty band scooping the mids over the last 20 years has been imitating mid to late era pantera’s guitar tone, and no one has ever got it right. 5 MINUTES ALONE, BECOMING, and I’M BROKEN are etched as faces into the mt. rushmore of jock jams. these are well written songs about being a fucking badass while also having a undercurrent of seething self hatred that appeal to both macho morons (like phil anselmo) and overcompensating nerds (like me). we also get honourable mentions like shedding skin, slaughtered, and use my third arm. delete “good friends and a bottle of pills” and it’s entirely possible to have this album stand on its own as a soundtrack to your workout. if you time it right, you can hit planet caravan right when you start your cooldown stretches and feel all spiritual while you contort yourself.
the last two pantera albums have some jock jams that ALMOST live up to far beyond driven, but are slightly hampered by abrupt tempo changes and mid-song interludes where anselmo does a heroin induced rant. tempo and tone consistency that maintain the intensity are very important to a good jock jam, so they lose a few points for that. however, the parts that go hard GO SO HARD that they’re still up there.
the great southern trendkill: the title track, drag the waters, and sandblasted skin are all instantly gym-worthy. i have a real soft spot for 13 steps to nowhere as it might have the most gym worthy drum beat ever recorded. it gets into some weird moronic anselmo racial politics, but when you’re all testosteroned up and got a good pump going you don’t even notice, i swear.
reinventing the steel: far beyond driven and the great southern trendkill have the greatest jock guitar tone ever recorded so i’m not sure what happened here, but the tone here feels like a litttttttle bit of a step back. it’s not quite as weak as the first two albums, but it’s a little thinner, more tinny and feels a little lower in the mix. that being said, hellbound, goddamn electric, and revolution is my name are absolute GYM CLASSICS. we’ve returned back to the inner strength and self-hatred driven lyrics of far beyond driven, and self-hatred is the key to to a motivated workout. yesterday don’t mean shit alllllmost makes the cut but is unfortunately hampered by a weak chorus riff.
despite the bits of my above criticism, even the bad pantera songs are typically high-level jock metal. it’s only in comparison to the certain stellar bits of their catalogue that i can really discount their jockiness. for the first two or so decades of its existence, metal was mainly listened to by scrawny nerds, lame satanists and other people that you could probably beat up pretty easy. pantera’s career output resembles the soundtrack to punching through a wall. though snippets of jock-metal existed pre-pantera, their explosively entry into mainstream conciousness in the early 90’s redefined the landscape of music to lift weights to. they are one of a small handful of bands that not only created a genre, but immediately perfected it. pantera is the undisputed, unchallenged, pound for pound champion of jock metal.
Vancouver, I will be tattooing at your convention next weekend! Apr 25-27 at Vancouver Convention Centre, walkups all weekend. #vancouvertattooconvention (at Vancouver Convention Centre)
go get tattooed by jenny.